I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
