One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
