this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
