Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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