ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
