I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
