Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I want to make a zoo with you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
