i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
