Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
