You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
