Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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