is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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