she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
