Non-Jews are for practice
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
