3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
