Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
