good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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