Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
