I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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