I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
