you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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