I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
