Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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