i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
