Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
