remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
