If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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