She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
