somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
