When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
