I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
