if you like me you must not know who I am
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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