After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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