Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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