Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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