I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize