I just made out with a guy for $7.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize