Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
