just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize