More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He has the fingertips of a God
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