Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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