Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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