Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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