loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
