I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
