Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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