For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize