If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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