Your dad touched me again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
