Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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