Sponge bath it is.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
