We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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