I can't watch pbs sober anymore
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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