I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
