I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
