Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
