well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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