lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
