Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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