I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
