I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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