So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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