Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
