How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
