I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
