so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
